My BIO

You came in to look at my bio?
Just exactly how much time do you spend on the internet?
I'm thinkin' way too much!

But since you're here, I'll try to keep you entertained.
Here are some other interesting facts you should know about me. I figured
if some poor soul had to make stuff up about me, then I could too.

• 1) I hold the world record for "ding dong" eating (1278 in 5 minutes)
  
• 2) I hold the "blast from the past" heavy weight title (don't ask)
  
• 3) I won the Tom Seleck look alike contest ( I think the judges were a bit tipsy)
  
• 4) I have been banned from the state of Ohio (ahh, the good ol' days)
  
• 5) When the need arises, I have been known to be able to type up to eight
  words per minute. (A speed record I think, and don't ask about the mistakes)
  
• 6) I proved Newton's law was a hoax
  
• 7) My butt is registered as a lethal weapon. (And they say cows are bad)
  
• 8) I use my mental powers to change the traffic lights. (Ever wondered why that
  light changed so soon?)
  
• 9) If I indulge in alcohol, I think I'm a lemming and jump off of the office desks.
  
• 10) I am not a native of this planet. (This will explain my weirdness)